A personal problem
by cheshirejin
Summary: Someone is having fun with the personal section of the paper. MOO! Everlasting thanks to Yuurei Onnanoko foir your input into this one. :


I don't own fruits basket, Natsuki Takaya gets all the credit for the wonderful characters. I just play around in her world sometimes.

**Personals:**

Single...Lonely and Descrete  
Likes thoughtful evenings at home  
is outspoken and strongwilled  
looking for long term partners  
an interest in extreme play a plus  
curiousity in restraints a must  
no hugging period  
I am in charge of everything  
I expect to be your God  
call Jade at 555-555-1234

MOO  
Call the laughingcow 555-555-5555

Wanted housekeeper  
My housekeeper  
You are the one for me Ms Honda  
Call Snowman 555-555-5555  
And, please, DON'T PICK THE DAMN CAT!

Single attractive male of regal bearing  
likes warm cozy evenings at home  
any home. Your home, hmmm?  
looking for someone to curl up around  
during those cold winter nights  
must have knowledge of fashion  
and appreciation for good tea  
ability to perform all  
positions in the Karma sutra a plus  
call Taylormaid 987-987-6543

Haori had just finished packing his medical bag and was on his way out the door. Ms. Tohru Honda, the girl of the family's growing affections, seemed to have a slight fever. There weren't going to be any chances taken. Before he could make his way through the door, his childhood friend Aaya came running GAYLY into the office,

"OH HATORI! This must be the day cupid made just for me!"

Hatori gazed over stoically, mentally maneuvering his way past him. "Why is that Ayame?."

"Just gaze into this ad of pure exotica, pure romance, just gaze with your soul and not your eyes Hatori! This is the one for me!"

Hatori looked into the personal ads and came up with a sigh, "Aaya. Once again," he pushed past him, "That's your own ad!"

Shigure comes running up with the paper in his hand Kyo and Yuki right behind him. "Ha-san have you seen it yet?" he asks breathlessly.

"Seen what?"

"It seems that someone has been having fun placing personal ads in the local paper, someone besides dear Aya that is." Shigure explains waving the paper around in front of Hatori's face.

"Let me see that." Hatori grumbles snatching the paper from Shigure's hand. He begins to read …

Single physician  
spends many sleepless nights  
fussing over a dying god  
looking for a long term commitment  
that doesn't involve flea baths.  
Ideal match must like children  
small animals and marine life  
be prepared for the best night  
you will never remember  
call Dr.dragon 555-555-5555

Wanted: high school girls  
Call Dirtydog 123-123-4567

Single male  
likes sunbathing and long naps  
looking for a woman who doesn't  
rub me the wrong way  
Must love cats and milk  
Also hate leeks  
if you are the one who can make me purr  
call Kyonkitchi 555-555-5555  
AND SHUT THE HELL UP!

They are all reading it over and shaking their heads. Except for Aaya; who's in the background jumping around saying, "Ooooo! I like this ad! The one about the regal bearing!"

Wanted: Will you be my mommy?  
Call Snugglebunny 555-555-5555

Be prepared for some hot monkey loveif you have a nice set of coconuts  
we can swing together  
call Junglefever at 555-555-5555

Got Milk?  
Call Thelaughingcow 555-555-5555

Wanted: someone to be my prescioussss  
Call Sweetsuey 555-555-5555

Wanted: total idiot  
Someone to take as much  
crap from me as I can dish  
out without complaint  
call Bitchnag 555-555-5555

Desperately looking for effeminate  
purple haired male. Yukkkiiiiii she  
dumped me again call meeeee.  
Thelaughingcow 123-123-1234

Hatori walks by early in the morning drinking coffee in his robe. He looks down and sees the paper with that one ad circled a billion times with hearts around it. He crumples it violently and stuffs it in the trash.

* * *

AN: You can tell which ads were placed by Haru by looking at the phone numbers.

Also a **challenge:** make your own personal ads and pm me so I can read them too. It can be any anime not just fruits Basket.


End file.
